Tuesday, 28 September 2010

There and Back Again

Tue 28th

I wake in the middle of the night and listen to the A38. I have to find somewhere that does not make me tune in when I should be asleep. I came home to let go of the meercat mentality. It is ok to be on hyper alert when wildcamping, in fact it is a natural instinct, but here in just outside suburbia, it serves me badly. On saying that, I did sleep eleven hours and feel way better than I have done in ages. The Hobby is in a very slight head down position, which I am very sensitive to and don’t like. I think more than anything this trip has allowed me to acknowledge that I am highly sensitive to many things and being away from stimulation, leading to over stimulation is paramount for my good health.

I have calculated my mileage and finally arriving in Plymouth, I have done 4028 in total. I spend 69 days on the road and although I have not checked exactly, I spent about 20 days static, so managed to not do more than my projected 100 miles a day. I attained one goal at least. I am surprised at the amount none the less.

Andy popped by in the morning and helped me remedy the water pump problem, so now I don’t have to lift the seat and insert the pump electrics to have a shower and rush to pull them out after so the damn thing can turn off. It was as I first thought an air lock problem, but more than I could see on my own, so in true team style Andy fixed it for me all by himself. I gave him coffee, watered down as to be unacceptable to me, but he is happy. I discovered at the party on Sunday that he has only ever accepted coffee at mine as a way of making me not ask every hour ‘Do you want a drink?’ I laughed at the irony as I have always made a special effort to make him nice coffee as I believed he liked it and always made sure I had cake or chocolate in for him. I could have saved a fortune on my beans and wonder why it has taken him a good eight years to tell me.

It’s pouring with rain as I travelled to the moors and look around the site listening intently to the peace and quiet. I think I might like it here, but am concerned as electric is on top of ground rent. I don’t know how much others pay and need to find out, but on first viewing I like it. I have so much scope to exercise myself and Fin its attractive on those grounds alone. It’s been raining and when I get back to the farm it has a small stream running down the road way and I think to myself that if it is like this after one day of rain, what will it be like throughout the winter. Another bonus for the moors, which does not appear to have any of these problems.

Dropping into Cara on the way home she looks better and has successfully passed her cold onto me. I thank her graciously and drop her partner Wes to work. I have taken on a new client today and life seems to have fallen into a rhythm of it’s own quicker than you can say rhythm. I am chuffed to bits though and just know that the next six months will fly and I will be on that ferry bound for France before you can say new rhythm.

Three months ago I started something that I did not think would ever happen. I wanted to let go of a life that had taken control of me and take back something for myself. I had made choices that were wise on so many levels, but they meant that I had let go of some of the things I needed for me to be healthy- physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had narrowed. I have now readdressed that and I know how I need to live to be happy in those areas.

I have been tested beyond what some would consider normal and have been called brave more times than I can shake a hairy stick at, but I do not feel brave. I feel I have risen to a challenge that many women would not even consider with another, never mind on their own. Whenever I was asked was I alone I always responded ‘no, I have my dog’. I believe that without Fin I would have come back after a few weeks as my head is always noisy and it gets in the way. It’s something I will look into while I am still for a while. Having him to talk to helped me get through the tough bits. I have cried deeply and laughed loudly, I had lost my sense of humour somewhere along the way before I left and then found it again in Scotland. I refuse to send it back and think I shall hold onto it carefully from now on. I have got my silly sense of fun back too and want to cultivate that for sure, it makes me smile all the way through.

I missed those I love, some more than others and I have been able to look at my relationships with new eyes. I am blessed by loving and being loved by so many, young and old. I have refreshed my friendships and developed them to new deeper levels and I am just so glad I called and made contact with those I had lost contact with. I have been surprised by the returns on those calls and am overjoyed at having open doors back to them whenever I want them. I am also joyful in having new folks to call friends

I am grateful for all those who have followed me on this trip and appreciate the support. Without knowing that someone somewhere was at least reading what I was doing, it may have felt like I was just mad to be stuck up a mountain in the pouring rain not being able to see the midge in front of my face.

I have never felt scared, but occasionally felt vulnerable, but actually embraced that vulnerability as part of the journey and it helped develop me. I believe I am harsher in some ways, but much more soft in others, so I am balanced at least. I suppose it will take a while to lose the harshness, but I never want to lose the softness as it has taken me all of this life so far to get to this point and I like it.

So my friends. I cannot tell you what it has cost me financially, nor do I want to know, so have not kept receipts. I know what it has cost me emotionally and boy do I know what it has cost physically, but am booked in at my osteopath and masseuse, so it should all settle into place soon enough.

I look forward to writing this up more extensively as I have kept notes in my journal and can combine them, then it is part two in the spring. Before France I will have all the bits that broke, fell off, got rolled over, or damaged fixed up and repaired. I will not take things I did not use and will purchase things I wish I had taken with me. I know what food I like to eat on the road and will get more of that and surprisingly will enjoy the chocolate I did not eat in the winter months. I will of course stock up on coffee beans to take and get a camera and digital recorder.

Fin and I will be fitter and more prepared for France than we were for this trip and will have had a winter to hunker down and keep warm, before we attempt to travel into the Massif Central ski resorts.

Andy asked me what I would change on the Hobby. Surprisingly not much. I would have a rear wheel pusher instead of front wheel drive, better clips on the blinds, I have already changed the sliders on the shower curtain for smoother action, the locks on the cupboards annoy me as they pop in and I have to pull them out with a teaspoon handle and instructions in English instead of German. I love love love my Hobby!

See you in the Spring…lots of love xx

1 comment:

  1. In my life tea/coffee is not important. Therefore I took 8 years to tell you as it was an apt moment. I would still drink the coffee you like but I was happy to tell you that it did nothing for me. Now...let's talk Suchard's Hot Chocolate :-)